Religious · Rantings

I suspect TREACHERY!!!  Tiffany and I might go to a protest over it, which will be fun AND meaningful.  Rawr! Oh, and yay for Holy Week, as it's Maundy Thursday.

Has my Synod betrayed us all?  Will I have to make references to Star Wars?  Will I have to break out the photoshopping?  Let us hope not.  Stay tuned for more details... and maybe references to Star Wars.

PS. KOTOR is fun. (unrelated to aforementioned references)

Current Location:	School
I feel...:	pissed off

I can't stop repeating "Oh My God" to myself at really high speeds. The latest Doctor Who was without a doubt THE BEST since the series restarted. Russel T. Davies has saved what was turning into a ho-hum season (excpt for Blink, which was incredible) with one fell swoop of an episode that left us all going "oh, SHIT" about 1 second after we saw the watch... Holy crap... watch it now... do it... and if you are a fan from the old days of Doctor Who, you MUST watch it... no questions, do it now! You'll thank me for it.

Laura and Steven - Fun times. The past two nights have been really good and I enjoyed them a lot. I look forward to more pool.

Ryan - As always, it was fun. Don't worry. It'll all work out for you in the end. It may not seem so right now, but trust me on this one. It's a bumpy road, but like all roads, it leads somewhere.

Tiffany - You're amazing. I had a blast, walking and sitting and just talking till sunrise. We shall have to wash, rinse, repeat. Also, Drunken Fish is having their 4th Anniversary party (this?) Friday at the landing. It might be fun?

Morris - You're my cat, and currently sleeping against one of my legs, which are in pain from being half asleep themselves.  You're such a cuddle-whore... way worse than me. 

Current Location:	bed
I feel...:	amused

In 998 YK
War was beginning.

*BOOM*

I feel...:

amused

Just over a mile away, a shadow was running through the trees of the Nightwood. Damn! And I thought ghost ships were troublesome.  Captain Kendril Shad raced through the underbrush, weaving as if he were still on the deck of his ship Nymph's Kiss.  That blind witch said I'd find my past within that rotting corpse's lair, but what she neglected to mention was the dark-blighted Lich and his undead! I just hope I can keep out of sight and mind till dawn. If that happens, then I'll stand a chance. The dark elf continued his run, promising to take up a religion if he survived this one...

On a distant part of the continent, another man lay sleeping, imprisoned in a dungeon as well.  Luckily for him, this one was run by the living.  Unfortunately, like any other prisoner, his spellbook, a mage's greatest weapon, had been taken from him, and that meant that aside from a handful of minor spells, he had nothing.  He certainly could not take on this entire camp of the occult with his few spells. Thankfully, though he did not know it, he was not the only prisoner with designs for escape.

Dungeons & Dragons:
I have a game to run Saturday, so I hear.  I have only heard from two people thus far, Eric first, then Steven. Of course, I'll run it even for two people, though I'd very much like to have a few others there as well.  It's been a long time since I've run a game.  Even longer since I've run a campaign... yes, Wheel of Time still calls, but it's probably best to just let it rest.

Deep Thought:
I've discovered that, for better or for worse, I have a tendency for being a cynic, even if I desire optimism.  This past Saturday proved that. I had tons of fun, but also thought very deeply. *shrug* Oh well, it can't be helped.  I'll just have to beat the cynic out of me when she rears her ugly head.

Agenda:
I can't wait to see the Number 23 tonight.  It should prove to be interesting.

For You:
I have multiple groups of friends.  I  have my friends at home.  Out of them, I have The Group, the most amazing sons (and daughter) of guns ever to have been aquainted to.  They are like my disfunctional family, all with little quirks that make you go "Why do I hang out with these people?" and then a split second later, "Oh, that's why! What would I ever do without them?"  Then, I have my original friends of the college, a large group of eccentric kids who either keep me sane while in this hellhole or so far insane that I don't know the difference. At some point, it wraps around, so either choice really doesn't matter.  Then I have my "through Laura" friends.  They are the ones I try to keep in touch with because they really are cool guys and gals that I enjoy time with, but haven't gotten to hang out with since Laura and I split.  Finally, I have my singular friends.  They are pretty spread out.  They don't really go into a group, but are no less important.  All in all, each set of friends has their ups and downs, and I can't say that any time spent with them has ever been anything but grand, and certainly not a second wasted.  Here's to you, friends! You rock!

Misc. Stuff:
I have decided that it is fun to do Nintendo chorus with Ben. However, I must beware of evil foes who impede o it, such as was the case yesterday.

Current Location:	Campus
I feel...:	calm

In Neo-Christianity, we see the importance of having a personal relationship with God. We are supposed to read the Bible and "interpret for ourselves" what this sacred text means. We are supposed to be spiritual as opposed to religious, valuing the individual over the whole. We end up either becoming too individualistic, denying the necessity of good order, or holding each other under man made laws that or not of sound mind. On the former, we see people who deny the importance of attending church, and while it is true, Jesus never said church attendance was mandatory, very few people will find the scripture and teaching that church provides in their free time. Likewise, it is these same people that probably read their bible once or twice a year that protest going to church. We must accept people in Neo-Christianity. We are not allowed to say their actions are wrong or their beliefs are wrong. That would be too offensive and Neo-Christianity cannot be offensive. It says that we must allow that Buddhists, Muslims, Taoists, and the like can reach heaven through different roads. Love is the key and love extends beyond Christianity, therefore heaven extends beyond Christianity. Scripture is misquoted against those who try to aid their fellow man. "Judge not, lest you be judged." We are forced to accept what is wrong in the name of love. Neo-Christianity is also about church numbers. We don't want to turn people away from church, so we'll trade a tried and true liturgy for an entertaining and comfortable contemporary service. We'll increase our numbers (for a time) with 40 Days of Purpose or whatever the newest gimmick is, and it will work... for a time, and then numbers will falter and we'll need something new, even if it lacks the purity of scripture.

The other side of the token is when we create rules that have little to no or incomplete biblical basis and say that if you do 'x', or say 'y', you aren't being a good Christian. For example, I have a friend who believes that Christians do not use foul language. It's true, that biblically, we are told not to curse, an if you interpret that out of context for yourself, then you could be led to that conclusion. However, the truth of the matter is that biblical cursing is much stronger than dropping a modern swear. Biblical cursing generally involved comitting some individual to an undesirable fate (ex. Damn you to hell, Matthew). There is nothing religiously wrong with our modern day swearing, so long as it does not control us. True, it is not the language of a gentleman, but Christianity is not about being that gentleman. Yet another example is one that some pentecostal churches teaches. They hold some pretty out there beliefs. According to some, watching tv, going to a movie, listening to the radio, dancing, or not wearing specific attire can damn one's soul. True, there are some bad things on tv, that all should be spared of, as well as bands on the radio with terrible messages, some movies that would make a Las Vegas prostitute look amish, and it is a good thing for people to dress with some semblance of modesty, but this is taken to another level. We must perform good deeds to enter heaven. We must go to retirement homes, clean up trash, volunteer, and do other things seen as good. Because good deeds ARE faith.

In Neo-Christianity, Jesus as savior is downplayed, because the cross is dark, depressing, and offensive. Rather, he is Buddy Jesus. He is the perfect gentleman. He is your example. What Would Jesus Do? A phrase nearly forgotten, but still around in Neo-Christianity. Only problem is what Jesus would do is not what people say. If you have a person that comes and calls you a name, beats you up, and condemns you to hell, what would Jesus do? He would not turn the other cheek. He would die on a cross. But dying on a cross is offensive. We don't focus on the fact that a sizable chunk of the New Testament is apostles like St. Paul, St. Peter, and St. John fighting against erroneous teachings. Instead we'll focus on Jesus as a role model and on love, because even Buddhists and Muslims can agree that Jesus was a cool guy, who lived and taught well.

This is NOT Christianity. It is the effect of modern thinking twisting an ancient thing. Christianity had order within it. All were equal within salvation, not within purpose. Not all were meant to be pastors. There were only 12 original apostles, 13 with St. Paul. Only the Levites acted as priests, not the whole of the 12 tribes of Israel (yes, this was Christianity as well, as ALL of the Bible points to Christ). It used to be that people attended church every day and no we shudder at attendance once a week. We are told that we ARE to correct our brethren, first in private, and if that fails, then with friends, finally, publicly bring to bear one's faults. We are told that it is faith alone, and not works that save. Works merely are a natural result of faith. We don't need to go out of our way to do good works because we'll have a natural inclination to do so. Alternately, no matter how many good works you do, it will not build your faith in Christ, only pride in yourself. It's true, we do have ten commandments, and it is right and good to hold to those in thought, word, and deed, but we WILL fail. That is why we have Christ. He is our redeemer and savior. He is not our best friend, nor our homeboy (which actually means of like mind). Christianity is offensive. It is about humans being so deep and lost in sin that nothing short of God himself coming and dying as a sacrifice for our sins could save us. It is about us acknowledging that we do sin. Every single one of us. That's fine to say, but I'm sure it will become offensive when I say that it is because Laura sins, and Steven sins. It is because Ryan sins, because Eric sins. It is because of Matthew's sin, Mike's sin, David's sin, Alex's sin, Becky's sin, Dani's sin. It is most definitely because I sin. Every single one of us are singled out by God for every single one of our sins. Worse, any one of those sins, no matter how small makes us deserving of death and damnation. It is because of this that Jesus had to die. God loved us too damn much to see every single human in Hell. So, Jesus bore our sins, every single one, from every single man, woman, child, and infant on his cross. He died and descended into Hell for us. And because of this, every sin that we've ever committed has been payed for in full. Faith that God forgives all those sins which we acknowledge as sin. This is a faith given to us freely. That is another offending thing, the idea that we don't do something for this. The fact that heaven is attainable only through Christ is very offensive. "How can a loving God condemn so many to Hell?" Because they condemn themselves. Those that hear God's word and turn away from it have done so of their own volition. It is no different than chores. If your parents said "I'll pay you ten dollars a week to take out the trash." that doesn't mean you can clean your room or walk the dog and expect to get paid the ten dollars. That was not the deal. This is offensive. The idea that we have the church fathers to tell us how scripture is properly interpreted, as opposed to our feelings is offensive. Do we forget that they spoke the original languages as their own? That they lived in a time where if they said something wrong, it could be corrected by those who were taught directly by the apostles? Who are we to say that "i studied Greek in college and so I know the ins and outs of the original languages better than those who spoke them daily from the time they could talk till their death. We have become so arrogant and full of our own wisdom on such things that we should rely on those who did know better.

Christianity is offensive. It has always been offensive if properly understood. It was never about church numbers. It was never about acceptance. It was never about equality or happiness. Christians suffer just as much as non-Christians, if not more so. It was never about emotion in general. It was always about sin and forgiveness, about Law and Gospel.

Current Location:	Home
I feel...:	and thoughtful

Lately, when I've looked at Christianity as a whole, I cannot help but see the diversity.  It saddens me that I see this. Back in ancient times, there were much fewer divergent points of faith, and most were openly criticized as heretical, and rightly so. The idea that Christ was not fully human, or that he was not fully divine could shake the very core of Christianity if one digs anywhere past surface level. However, one of the things that kept the faith pure was that it was persecuted. Simply put, being a Christian was not easy. It was dangerous.  All but one of the apostles were put to death for what they believed in.  Today, that is simply not the case. None of that is.It used to be that one could respect another, but say, "your beliefs are wrong." Now, it seems to have flipped. We can treat people like dirt, as if they were sub-human, but we have to accept their beliefs.<br>
I have friends that are not Christian.  Some are Christian-ish. Some are agnostic. Some Buddhist and some Muslim. I have a few Wiccan acquaintances.  I have those who have no idea what they are. I hang out with them. I have fun with them. But I feel that they would be quicker to remain friends if I did them some wrong than if I told them their faith was wrong.  If one friend says that many paths lead to heaven, how do I say to him, "No. You are wrong. One path does. That path lies solely through Christ, who bought your way for you, because you are too full of sin to even begin to do it yourself."?  How can I do that and a friend realize that I stay hold them near to my heart, that I still respect him, and still value him as a person? Further, how do I say, "this is not MY conclusion nor my opinion, but fact revealed by God that I am just restating."? I don't know. But I digress, as my friends are not the issue. They are just small scale of my point.<br>
My point is this. In today's world, Christianity, or rather the name Christianity, has become a popular thing to believe in. The only problem is that the belief is shallow and and at the first test of faith, it falters. Shirts like "Jesus is my homeboy" or "Got Jesus" are prime examples of how Jesus has turned into a pop culture icon. Jesus has lost the title of savior in place of friend. Christianity has become a "feel good" religion.  People sing simplistic songs that play on emotion, rather than on theology that teaches as it is sang. They listen to sermons that tell them how to live better, as opposed to how they are sinners and need to acknowledge their sin and that Christ's death and resurrection have been provided for us that we may have a means to escape that sin.. They are told that they need to be the ones to accept Christ, rather than as it should be, that we cannot help but despise God by nature and turn from him and that it is only through faith instilled in us by the Holy Spirit that Christ even becomes feasible. Christianity is convenient, and if one only skims the Gospel, it can be a very friendly, very easy religion.
I will speak of more on this later, but that's because it's 5:30, I'm tired, and I have class.

I find myself in a quandary... upon thinking of my future, of any one in a cascading myriad of such, I feel a heavy burden on my shoulders, a burden that is the mere tip of the iceberg, so to speak, of an exponentially greater burden which possibly waits as a time bomb, to cascade down upon me, burying my very being and remaking me.

I speak of becoming a minister. I have thought it through and I just hope I have strength enough to stay that course. When I think about things that beat at one's conscience, being the voice and arm of God is by far the greatest. I have thought of a lawyer, defending those who he knows are guilty and it does not compare. I have thought about the doctor, who holds the lives of others in his precise hands and it is fleeting. I have thought of a military sniper (an occupation I once wished for) who makes it his life to see other human beings ripped apart by the impact of the bullet from his high powered rifle and it seems to come the closest, and yet still falls so short.

As a minister, one must not only carry the burdens of his own sins, but the sins of those who confess to God through him.  I can handle the occasional friend that comes to me now and tells me of some wrong they've done, some trouble they've had.  But to hear the sins, the troubles of an entire congregation, I can already become depressed by singular people's issues.  Further add my sins double over.  I must acknowledge my sins as such and be grateful for Christ's victory over them, but each one makes me that much weaker a pastor to those I serve.  As a minister, one who is so gifted with delivering the grace of God to people through Word and Sacrament, I must also be an example.  Every sin, every mistake, gives my people that much less reason to look to me.  How can you preach to the people grace, forgiveness, and that Jesus is not a "Get Out of Hell Free Card" when from the onlooker, you sin just as much as those around you. How can people ask me for guidance, when I don't even have my life cleaned up.  I can barely keep my room clean, much less my life. So what do I do when a family comes to me with issues of a child who refuses God. As I am now, I certainly would stammer, offer advice that would probably tear the child further from God, and then break down into a quivering mess once the family had left. I simply cannot be me once I become a minister...I am too sinful, too foolish, and too... human.  I must become something greater, but at the same time, retain enough humanity that I can empathize with them.

Before, I wanted to be an Air Force Pilot.  I have good reflexes, could be in good shape, and very good eyesight.  The only thing I had to worry about was being shot out of the sky, and to be honest, that didn't scare me... death has never scared me really. Sure, there are things that can lead to death that scare me, but death itself does not. What I do fear is the fate of one's soul.  Not mine, as I have faith in where it will reside once this one takes his final breath.  But I fear for others.  My roommate, who is follows Muhammad, my friends who are atheist or agnostic, even fellow Christians... I do not know what will influence there life, whether they will have faith in Christ at death's knock.  Still, what happens is between them and God, and while God can influence them through me, I am essentially not responsible.  But that changes as a ordained servant of the word.  Suddenly, I am held accountable for others' spiritual well-being and to be honest, that scares me more than anything I can imagine.  I am mortally afraid of knowing one day, who I did not properly shepherd to God.  If I have a friend, Jim, and we both die, I a Christian and he a non-Christian, I am not held accountable for him. I probably won't even be saddened, as a pure being.  But, if Father Chris has a member of his congregation die an atheist, I cannot say, "His punishment was just." I must hear God say, "One of whom I placed in your charge has fallen. What have you to say?" What answer can I give? "Well, I tried" just doesn't seem to work.

All this is if God chooses to lead me to ministry.  i may finish McKendree and be led to something completely unrelated. That is another worry. I have no real foreknowledge of the future. I don't know if I'll always be with my girlfriend. I don't know that I'll ever marry and have children.  I don't know that I'll graduate college or even be alive in the morning.  God knows I've had any number of nearly fatal incidents in my life.  I know that technically I live on borrowed time.  The only comfort I have is that whatever the future holds, God's will shall be done and his will is always for the best and never wrong, even if it can be very painful. God have mercy and be gracious to me, a poor miserable sinner.

I feel...:

thoughtful